Be Careful What You Wish For

"Mom, the cat's out again!"

We have 2 phenomenal house cats... though I'm not sure one of them is aware of that (the house part). Tippy and Willow are our Lynx-point Siamese cats. They're the most wonderful, loving and interactive cats. They're great with all three of the kids -- never scratching or biting no matter what the offense -- and, they just adore my daughter... their official Mama. Unfortunately, Tippy has recently become an escape artist.

We also have a 13-year-old Chow Chow named Csiba who uses a remote controlled doggy door so that she never has to "hold it". Lately, Tippy (white tippy toes) has challenged herself with getting through that door. From a dead sleep, she goes running when she hears the remote click of the doggy door as Csiba makes her approach. Unfortunately, 13 years and a laid back attitude means Csiba's never quick to actually de-house (read: like de-plane only leaving a house). This poses two problems: [1] her meandering frequently results in the locking pegs resetting before she's made it through the door so the cat can follow by just nosing through the door that's ajar (that never sounds right), and [2] taking her time means Csiba often gets a feline escort as she de-houses.

Now, here's the thing... I'm pretty sure that Tippy doesn't actually WANT to be OUTSIDE. She just wants to get through the door. Once she's outside she goes into a feline panic complete with hissing fits and "Christmas Tree tail" (that's where the tail puffs up so much that it looks like a Christmas tree without ornaments). She immediately RUNS to the back sliders OR to the front door and scratches and meows loudly to be let back in the house. (Would that be called re-housing?) She never thinks beyond getting through that door AND since it only works one way -- she can't get back in once she's out because she doesn't have the magic collar remote -- she's stuck outside... where her actions deposited her.

So, here comes the happiness moral of my story today:

Be Careful What You Wish For! Don't aim for the door, don't go through the door, don't even peek through the door if you don't want to end up locked out on the other side of the door. That can mean a lot of different things to a lot of people. It means a lot of different things to me... all of them prophetic. In order to maintain my happiness quotient, I resolve to think through my actions such that I don't end up somewhere I don't want to be. Call me boring. Call me safe. Call me happy to be where I am.

THANKFUL THURSDAY - On Monday

THANK GOD Christmas is over! I love the holidays but they really do drain the life blood out of you... don't they? I enjoyed the days leading up to and the day of Christ's birth and even getting together with family for a few days afterwards... But, I'm glad to be done with it now. My tree officially remains intact until the day after New Year's Day but, in my head and heart, I've moved on to "regular" life. By the number of abandoned Christmas trees on the curb, I'd say I'm not alone in this sentiment.


[2] I'm knocking on my wooden desk right now.... I'm thankful my kids, my husband and I did not come down with any of the really nasty germs going around this Christmas season. I'm sorry that my Mom, Dad, nephews and a few others took a hit but, so far (hear that knocking?), we're all happy and mostly healthy (some congestion and other minor ailments... but, I'll take these over the other stuff making the rounds).

[3] I'm grateful for all the wonderful gifts people chose to bestow upon me and my family. I am awed by the beautiful gift of giving some folks have. And, I'm thankful to know so many people who truly give/gift from the heart with no strings attached.


[4] I'm glad I didn't gain any more weight for the holidays because that would just make my 2nd New Year's resolution that many pounds harder to achieve. (See my next post for more info on resolutions.)


[5] I'm thankful to have the time to sit down again and blog. I LOVE to write and miss it terribly when life's little pressures take that away from me. Read: I'm sorry I've been incommunicado and I'm very glad to be back!


Happy belated holidays and a peaceful and prosperous New Year from my keyboard to yours!

ANGELS AMONGST US

Some people are givers and some are takers. Amongst the givers, some do so to get something back. Others just give for the sake of giving without any strings or expectations. That's Marko. He's my friend of 16+ years and he's a no-strings-attached giver. I'm not sure whether I always knew this about him but it's become all-the-more-evident of late. With his philanthropic attitude, Marko has become one of my repetitive Angels. He's consistently "there" -- or should I say here -- for us in times of need and even when nothing is needed.... he's been there/here to give freely anyway.

Like others, we've been living mostly on one income since I left my job 6 years ago (I occasionally consult to fill in the gaps). For us, this well-thought-out and conscious decision put a pretty big financial strain on our family. Truth be known, I take most of the "blame" for that since I was the catalyst, quitting my high-paying job to stay home with the kids. It was necessary on so many levels for our entire family. At this point, and in hindsight, I'm sure my husband agrees it was the right thing for us to do. Still, living on 16% of our former income was not easy. That said, our finances have continuously improved as we knew they would (given our decisions) and we're doing all right these days. Truly.

However, when Christmas-time comes around, every body's belt gets tighter, bank accounts shrink, and everything seems more expensive. As we prepared for a very scaled-down season of giving, Marko and his motorcycle gang were gearing up on our behalf. The "Strength & Honor Motorcycle Club" is made up of active and retired police and firefighters who have dedicated their extra- and/or post-civil service activities to continue their philanthropic efforts by giving to others. Since my husband is "on the job" AND we have our very special, special-needs boys to care for, this don't-call-them-a-gang group of motorcyclists chose my family as their adopted-extended Christmas family this year. On December 12, with a truckload -- literally an SUV-full -- of gifts ranging from toys to clothes to monetary gift cards, Marko and his just-as-generous daughter, Jamie, made a 12-hour round-trip trek from Virginia to our front door. My children spent in excess of 2 hours excitedly opening early Christmas presents thanks to Marko and his non-gang.
My husband, children and I cannot even begin to thank Marko or his buddies for their generosity. What "Santa" gave my kids this year are wonderful memories and a lesson of giving that will live well beyond their youth. So, here's to http://strengthandhonormc.com/ and to Marko and Jamie for their incredible gift.... I am honored to know them and to call them my friends. Surely, they are the Angels Living Amongst Us!

Celebration of Life - Christmas '08

I hesitate to start my Christmas Letter on a dark note, but the recent Black Friday trampling death at our local Walmart Store affords us an incredible opportunity to focus on the meaning of Christmas. A man died because shoppers felt the Christmas gifts they needed to buy were more valuable than his life. Really? These people clearly missed the message in “Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”! Christmas is NOT about the THINGS you buy at Walmart or at any other store. Christmas is not about material wealth at all. Christmas is a day commemorating the birth and life of Jesus Christ. We are meant to celebrate His life and the good example he set for us by living our lives similarly. Giving of ourselves as He gave to us. Not trampling each other to death to buy the most, or the best, gifts. “The Little Drummer Boy” did not buy a drum for Jesus. Rather, he gave of himself by playing his drum for the baby Jesus… To honor His birth and celebrate His life. Christmas is just that… A celebration of Life! His life and the life He’s given us!

Well, we’ve had a lot of opportunities to celebrate His life and ours this year! While I’ve been busy chauffeuring my children to and from school, working on this old house (yes, it is still as yet unfinished) and speaking at some of the local colleges on behalf of people with Down syndrome, I have also taken the first steps in starting-up my own business. Even though this will certainly present additional challenges for me, I celebrate the opportunities that God continues to put in my path. I hope and pray I do each justice. Meanwhile, I celebrate the lives of my children and my husband each day by giving them my love and attention and by showering them with praise and affection. While I am far from perfect as a wife or mother, my children and husband are perfect opportunities for celebration.

My “old soul” is still teaching me invaluable life lessons… which I don’t always get right away. She made her First Holy Communion this year and, fully embracing the significance as a Christian, she chose to be rebaptised in the Spirit as well. Sometimes I forget that she is just a 7-year-old little girl. A fact that amazes me. While she continues to excel at school, she insists that she is not very good at math (a statement not supported by her grades). Sadly, her perceived struggle with this subject causes her great strife. In response, she joined the Mathletes club hoping it would make math more fun for her. That’s my beautiful girl a teaching me life’s lessons again! Celebrate even the things you don’t like much… like math!

Now 3 ½, "the boys" are nothing short of a daily celebration to everyone whose lives they touch… especially mine! They’re now enrolled in full-time preschool in an integrated classroom where half the children are typically developing and half are developmentally delayed (generally, speech-delayed like the boys). They receive integrated therapies there including speech, physical therapy and occupational therapy. And, they are making great progress and learning a lot about social routines. Truly, they celebrate going to school every day! “I go chool!” And, they are celebrated at school by their teachers, therapists and classmates. Everyone at the Marcus Avenue school knows them and loves them… especially one little girl named Olivia who meets us at the door and, holding hands, they walk to their shared classroom each morning… in celebration of their arrival.

We’ve been doing a lot of celebrating in honor of my husband this year too! He not only hit his 5 year anniversary with the police department (a significant milestone in this organization), but he was also promoted the very next day. Back on a day-tour schedule means he’s home to have dinner with us each night and has 2 and 3 days off, alternating weeks, so we see a lot more of him. We’ve been celebrating his presence and he’s been able to share in more of our daily celebrations too.

Unfortunately, we had the very sad opportunity this year to celebrate the short life of, my mother-in-law, a generous woman who passed far too quickly from this world and moved on to her next life in heaven. I know she has some good company, though, as we also bade farewell to our beloved dog, Isaiah. Though it was painful to say goodbye, their lives are well worth celebrating. And, as one life comes to an end, so begins another. We are celebrating the coming of a new member of our extended family my brother-in-law and his wife are expecting the birth of their first child in March.

Christmas is certainly a festive time of year. A time to celebrate and honor not only Jesus but also our loved ones, acquaintances, and strangers as well… for all they do to make our world a better place. I would like to take this opportunity to celebrate each and every one of you, my friends and family, with a heartfelt wish for good health, good humor and a very Merry Christmas and joyous New Year.

My House!

Some people take great pride in their homes. The neatness, the style, the decor, etc. Believe it or not (the "not" is for those of you who have seen my home)... I do too! Of course, when you start in a hole it takes a lot more digging, breaking, fixing, designing, out-of-the-box thinking and money to get to the "showcase" home some folks are after. I, however, am not after the showcase home. And, though I'm occasionally embarrassed by the work-in-progress condition of my home, I'm after the warm and welcoming, lived-in home. Grandma Cookie calls my home's style "shabby chic". I understand the shabby part but... chic? Let's just say that's a nice way to say it's lived in and comfortable. Come in, sit down and relax! That is my style and ultimately, I hope, will be my home's style too.


This is the house-warming card we got from my family on the purchase of our "new" home (LOL). I keep it to remind me how far we've come. I know our half-finished, dilapidated-in-places, nearly 200-year-old Bayman's Cottage lacks pristine neatness (I fear it always will given it's age). This drives some folks nuts. I think it made my MIL a tad uncomfortable. To her, and all those folks who find themselves "doing time" in this prison, I apologize. Bear in mind, in the midst of raising our very special kids, we're not nearly done -- if there's any such thing -- fixing up "this old house". While a couple of closets would go a long way in getting closer to neat and clean, sometimes we make only baby steps in progress on the house but leaps and bounds of progress with our kids' development. Remember, our goal for our kids and our house is not to be just "for show".

Our family EI Social Worker once said, "Your home feels so warm and cozy!" That made my day! And I was doubly thrilled when a very formal, neatnik friend (the kind with cream-colored couches and matching carpeting in her own home) walked into my home with her young toddler, put him on the floor, kicked her shoes into the corner and sat cross-legged on my couch!

Ah... Now that's success!

Prejudice

Prejudice: To prejudge; an opinion made without adequate basis; a judgement; a detriment to one's rights.

Because of my sky-is-the-limit attitude toward raising my boys, because the school they attend does not "specialize" in Down syndrome and because their "disability" is visible, I often find that other parents of children with special needs -- frequently other than Down syndrome -- chat openly with me about their experiences. Their children's disabilities may range from mild speech delay to appraxia to Autism -- anywhere and everywhere on the spectrum. In most cases, their child's disability is initially invisible to others. That is, you do not know that the child has a disability until or unless you interact with him/her. Many of these parents say they get "the look" as the notion that something is "wrong" with their child seeps into the other mothers' awareness and they begin to try and label the disability and determine the extent of affliction... without ever talking with the parent or interacting with the child.

My boys, on the other hand, wear their disability on their beautiful, smiling faces. Though they are mildly affected by their Down syndrome, everyone who sees them knows they have Down syndrome. Yes, I get "the look" too. But, I get it immediately... not after a parent has watched my child interact and has decided "something is wrong" with them via their behavior. As a matter of fact, I think if their disability was not visible, most people would not know there was anything "wrong" with my boys... except maybe a speech delay. Otherwise, my guys generally operate in the near-normal range of development. That is, they are at the low-end of the "typical" developmental curve or "borderline delayed"!

So, I want to talk about the prejudging that goes on when people first see my boys and recognize immediately that they have Down syndrome. You can almost here it "CLICK" in their brains... And, everything they think they know about Down syndrome, they've just applied to MY boys. Without a second glance and without ever interacting with them!

Even if you've been exposed to someone with Down syndrome -- unless it's recent exposure to a very young person -- the chances are your impression of what's possible in terms of development may be limited. Those who are born with Down syndrome today have a significantly different prognosis than those born just 15 years ago because of early intervention and mainstreamed treatment. Additionally, comparing my boys -- not knowing their specific state of health, treatments or innate abilities -- to anyone else with Down syndrome is inaccurate to say the least. There is a wide range of ability -- both physical and mental -- in people with Down syndrome. Applying your knowledge of one individual with Down syndrome to everyone else you meet with this genetic anomaly will invariably result in an inaccurate impression of the individual in front of you.

Prejudging a person with Down syndrome -- or any disability -- based on your experience or pre-existing knowledge is flawed thinking. Prejudging anyone based on what you think you know about them -- their ability or disability - is prejudice. Like each of us, my boys only get one chance to make a first impression. And, I've found it's sometimes hard for them to dig out of the hole some people put them in. What you see is not always what you get! Why not keep an open mind and let them WOW you with what they're able to do -- the way they've done with so many others -- instead of assuming you already know them and all they're capable of.

BELIEVE

We've watched The Polar Express more than a few times these past few weeks. The kids love the whole train thing and I love the theme... BELIEVE!

I recently received an email with the subject line, "This will BLOW you away!". The content was a magic card trick by David Copperfield. In the 10 seconds I gave it my full attention -- that's 7 more seconds than most emails get these days -- the subject line was right... I was BLOWN away! Mr. Copperfield made my card disappear every time. OK, enough of that fun... I forwarded it to some friends and told them I was blown away and they should try it. Almost invariably, my friends came back snickering behind their keyboards at my foolishness and spouting the "trick" behind the trick. I won't give it away (just in case you receive it). But, for those 10 seconds it was a GREAT trick and I WANTED to believe that Mr. Copperfield worked his magic on me. I BELIEVED!

Recently, in three separate instances, the Old Soul and two of her playmates were told by unruly peers that Santa didn't exist. The other two children ran to ask their Moms for "the truth". I don't know exactly how those other conversations went but I do know that my daughter told me about what happened and said that other child was flat out wrong! There is a Santa Claus and he does give out presents. She suspended her belief in Santa by accepting palpable, if not occasionally improbable, explanations of information that contradicts a fantasy she WANTS to continue to believe in (for now). She's just like her Mom!

Believing in harmless legends makes me happier. If my daughter asked me for "the truth" (she didn't in this case because she already knew it), I would tell her without doubt that Santa Claus absolutely does exist and will deliver presents on Christmas day to all who believe... and even to some who don't. I am not wrong! Santa Claus comes in many forms. People are giving gifts all over the world on Christmas Day! I've just shifted the information I deliver to fit the facts I know. I'm happy... and so are my children. This holiday season... take the time to BELIEVE!

THANKFUL THURSDAY

"A day late and a dollar short"... isn't that the saying?

[1] Fortunately, we're not a dollar short these days despite the tough economic times. We've got enough dollars to pay the bills and feed the family with a little leftover for dinner out at Wendy's and some Christmas presents. Gotta be thankful for THAT!

[2] Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow! It's SNOWING! And, I LOVE the snow! I hope it stays for the weekend so the kids and I can get out there and build some competition-grade snow sculptures. Last year it was a lawn-sized stegosaurus. Wonder what Olivia will have us make this year. I'm so happy and thankful for the snow... on a Friday so I don't have to drive the kids to school in it! (Double happiness bonus! Thinking about snow sculptures reminds me of the good old days and our blue-ribbon sand sculptures at Crane Beach, Ipswich, MA.)

[3] I wish I had a fireplace in my home so I could light a log, curl up with a hot cocoa and watch a good movie... Unfortunately, I don't! But, 2 out of 3 ain't bad! And, I'm mighty thankful for THAT much!

[4] Ever hear of Blue Cottage Crusades, Ltd.? (Maybe it should be called Beat-up, Old Blue Cottage Crusades - LOL) That's the name of my soon-to-be internet business. Haven't actually opened the cyber-doors but the name is now officially registered to ME by the State of NY and the Federal Government! Scary but COOL! I'm just thankful for the opportunity to try my hand at a new business venture. I'll keep you all posted. I'm sure it'll be the topic of much happiness (and heartache but that's not what this blog is about).

[5] I'm soooo thankful that I finally got my Christmas letter written and 90% of my Christmas cards addressed and stamped. Now, I just have to drop them in the mailbox. If you know me, you're probably thinking that could take 6 months! But not this year! Most of you should expect to see them before Christmas. A few (overseas) might take a bit longer... but they're coming! For those not yet on my list: Have a happy and healthy Holiday Season and a prosperous New Year!