Friday, September 18, 2009

Food Shopping With Disco Danny

I know I'm in good company when I say that I love classic rock and roll. But, admitting that I also love all those late 70's-early 80's disco tunes is like coming out of the disco closet in my Z-Cavariccis and Capezios. So, there it is... I'm out. Every time I hear one of those old disco songs I'm flooded with some really good memories of great times spent with my friends going out dancing every Friday night! These memories make me happy.

So, I recently realized that the reason I like going food shopping at BJ's Warehouse is because they play all those great disco songs that I loved so well back in the day.
Do you remember those elevator music machines that used to play 50s' doo-wop and big band tunes? Well, now they play 70's & 80's stuff... which is considered "oldies" because we're nearly to the year 2010 now. Can you believe it? Anyway, last week I was shopping at BJ's Warehouse when one of those great old disco songs came on the MuZak. "Tragedy" by the Bee Gees filled the air. I'm one of those people that sings softly -- but out loud -- sometimes mouthing the words when I hear a favorite old song on the radio. And, in keeping with my 80's disco persona, I am also the girl who bopped on the side of the dance floor much more often than I actually got out there and boogied. So, there I am looking for Good News Razors when the Bee Gees harmonic voices fill the air. It's an automatic response as I begin singing softly "...when the feeling's gone and you can't go on it's TRAGEDY!" And though I'm probably singing the wrong words, I'm enjoying the heck out of it anyway when all of a sudden, Disco Dan pops up behind me and starts to boogie down. He's belting out the lyrics at a greater-than-conversational volume so everyone in the aisle stops to see what all the commotion is. To what should have been his embarrassment but was mine instead, he links his hands and starts rolling his arms like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. You know the move! Shaking his hips back and forth and singing into the pen that he was previously using to cross off items on his shopping list.

I was absolutely LOLing with my face buried in the boxes on the shelf!

Hearken back for a moment, to those guys at the disco who would shuffle up and start gyrating right in front of you for 30 seconds before they'd actually ask you to dance with a nod of the head and then a quick glance toward the dance floor? You know, one of those, "you and me, out there?" kind of gestures? He HAD to be one of those.... almost 30 years LATER! OMG, I avoided those guys like the plague and now, because he overheard me quietly singing the wrong words to what might have been his favorite disco tune, he's on me like Tony Manero on Stephanie in Saturday Night Fever from the moment she steps onto the dance floor at the 2001 Odyssey Disco in Brooklyn, NY. It's 1978 again!

I hastily decide to fore go the razors -- I'd rather hubby grow a beard than hang around this aisle any longer -- and I high-tail it to the check-outs with a quick stop at the cold cut counter for lunch meats for my children.... That's right buddy, I am a happily married, mother of 3 and NO, I don't want to dance with you. LOL!

My order is already on the belt when suddenly... Disco Danny sidles up behind me. He's offered his spot to the person behind him in the next line and quickly switches to my line. Seriously?!!!! (I can't make this stuff up!) And, he starts bustin' his moves again, waving both hands high up in the air as he rotates his hips in a circle. He's really getting down now... LOL and OMG! I'm mortified. What the heck is he doing? Still belting out the lyrics to the new disco song featured on the MuZak into his makeshift microphone, he boogies right up to the credit card keypad and continues demonstrating what I'm sure were his best moves.... 30 years ago. I've packed my items in record time and now I have to pay... BUT he's commandeered the keypad and is using it as a prop for his disco pole dance.
"Excuse Me", I say politely, avoiding any eye contact whatsoever lest I give him the wrong idea. He gives it his last shot and does the most famous Saturday Night Fever move ever... Right there in BJs! His right arm shoots up in the air, right pointer finger pointed skyward; his left hand is on his overgrown waistline; legs-splayed/left leg straight, right-knee-bent.

This is SOOOO not working for me! In record time, I swipe my card, punch in my 4-digit code and just about run from the store with the receipt flying behind me like a flag. I didn't stop at the door to show my receipt to the clerk. I knew I wouldn't be safe until I'd packed my groceries into the car, buckled my seat belt and locked all the doors. God forbid he catches me in the parking lot without other people around to hear me scream! LOL! I drive out the wrong exit on the far side of the parking lot -- way too fast -- avoiding the store entrance just in case Disco Danny decided to go for broke. Who knows what fancy disco move he'd pull out of his white polyester leisure suit sleeve.

Yeah, I love the old disco tunes. But, not so much the old Disco Dannies. What a bummer! I guess I'm gonna have to rethink my quiet singing and sideline bopping in public!


  1. Oh my god that is so funny! Only on LI would there be any vestiges of Disco! BJ's- too funny! Switch to COSTCO!