The Crystal Ball

Ah, to gaze even for a moment into the magic crystal ball for a glimpse of our future. To know that this will all turn out OK! Wouldn't that be nice? Just a second in front of that looking glass to get the gist of things and know that it'll all work out ultimately. The thing is, I love a good "surprise" and there are so few good surprises left in this world... so I wouldn't want specifics if there were such a thing as a crystal ball. All I would really want to know is that, in general, my life and, more importantly, the lives of my children will be OK... peaceful... easy... "successful" each by his or her own standards. Isn't that a funny statement? Especially when I already know that parts and pieces of my life haven't really been peaceful or easy thus far.... But, I do know that it's all turned out OK... so far!

Finding a rewarding career, choosing a mate, maintaining a happy marriage, raising children -- raising children with special needs -- deciding how to best educate those children, and keeping my wits (and sense of humor) about me are all really difficult endeavors when you're in the throes of it. Looking back (so far, anyway) IN GENERAL, it's been relatively easy. But, in detail, it was and is sometimes extraordinarily hard and painful. Tears flow so much more readily these days than they used to and for so many more important and more trivial reasons and emotions.

The truth is, life is a dirty little affair with major ups and minor downs, huge hurdles and tiny victories throughout. No, I don't know what the details of my life and my family member's lives will be going forward. But I do know all too well what the details of my life/our lives have been so far. Some things I definitely could have done without and, in hindsight, I'm glad now for other things that have come to pass that I would certainly not have chosen, planned or wished for but that have been unbelievable blessings in my life. No one knows how things will turn out. There is no crystal ball. There is only this life to live to the fullest.

So, without the benefit of the crystal ball, I know this: I will find myself again in some career that will either be fulfilling or not. I hope for the former! My marriage will either stand the test of time, commitment, financial woes, children, Down syndrome, careers and so many other factors that may or may not contribute to it's demise... or it may not. We will either find ourselves in the 50% that make it or the 50% that don't. I'm working towards the former! And, my children will be well educated. They will grow up and live their lives according to their choices (and my positive influence hopefully, LOL) as independently and successfully as they are able. I don't, in fact, know specifically how well they will do. But I'm sure, in general, that it will be awesome in my eyes and, hopefully, in their eyes and in the eyes of the critics. In all of these areas and in my life in general, I believe that regardless of the specific ups and downs that grace our daily lives, it will all turn out OK in the end. That doesn't mean I won't fret about and/or shed tears about all of these things while I'm in the throes of it!

There's a line in Finding Nemo where Dory says to Marlin regarding his over-protection of Nemo, "Well you can't let nothing happen to him or else nothing will ever happen to him!" She's right! That's no way to live a life! We have to be in the game, right? We have to jump in, make choices, make mistakes, find our own way and be gracious enough to receive the good with the bad. We don't get to pick and choose, in advance, which good parts or which bad parts we'll take or pass on. But, we do have choices about how these events play out in our lives and how we view the outcome that is our life, in general. And in the end -- despite the rough spots --I do believe it will all be OK... however it turns out!

But that doesn't mean I STILL won't worry about it... just a little bit (LOL).